im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
