Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
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Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
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I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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