cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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