people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
