how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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