Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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