Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
