I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
