I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
