you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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