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3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
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