Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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