Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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