is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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