TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
