I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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