what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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