How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
