My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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