Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
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I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
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They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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