My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
