Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
