Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
