She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
