The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
