I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
