If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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