Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
God, I missed his penis.
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