Sacagawea was the original milf.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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