My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
