Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
