Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
