I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
