I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
