are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
