Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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