I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
