Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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