Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
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I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
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Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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