Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
