First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
