I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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