He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
