Screwed.edu
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
