Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I want a musical about memes.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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