Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Never underestimate the power of titties
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
