dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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