im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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