Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
