Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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