So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
