I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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