So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
