he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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