The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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