My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
