Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
