I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
