wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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