What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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