ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Houston, we have a blender
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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