so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize