You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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