My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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