whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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