Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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