dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
