So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
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