Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
