ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
