I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
