Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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