After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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