just come out here and I will go home with you...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
