So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
