He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Come share oat with me in your robe
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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