Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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