I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
